Over a year ago, I moved from my role as a lead software engineer to become the engineering manager for the same team. I knew in advance that it was going to be challenging, but only after doing it did I truly see how complex, demanding, and fundamentally human the role could be.
I had led teams before as an individual contributor, but everything seemed to change when I made that shift. My work got done in conversations instead of deep coding, and in documents instead of pull requests.
Most of all, my effectiveness was now measured by my team’s effectiveness.
I started to learn that leading a team of people isn’t just about tech roadmaps or performance metrics. It’s about people, clarity, and moving forward together.
In my time learning and growing, I’ve landed on three guiding ideas — my own version of what matters most.
I call them the Three C’s of Leadership: Clarity, Connection, and Catalyst.
These aren’t perfect labels, but they helped me make sense of what my responsibilities feel like, day in and day out.
Clarity: Communicating context
I didn’t expect how often I’d be the filter between what’s promised and what’s possible. I think being an engineering manager is about being at the center of the information web of an organization.
Clarity is really about three main ideas:
- Translating to all audiences: Early on, I realized I needed to translate vague goals from leadership or customers into what my team could realistically deliver. That meant clarifying priorities, scope, constraints — things that were assumed often but rarely stated.
- Being transparent as much as possible: It meant being honest about what we knew, what we didn’t, and what was changing. When I pushed back on something because of risk, I tried to say why, not just no.
- Acceleration through alignment: Clarity helped the team reduce wasted effort — when everyone was aligned, fewer folks pulled in different directions.
Connection: Building relationships
Empowering a team wasn’t just about tasks, timelines, and deliverables. It was about people — and often, that meant having hard conversations in ways I didn’t expect.
If Clarity is about playing translator, Connection is really empowering others in the following ways:
- Listening more than talking: I found real value in asking questions like, What are your energy levels lately? What’s something I can help you with? What do you wish I knew? Not just the surface blockers, but the emotional ones – the ones you had to dig deeper to get to.
- Building trust: Sometimes that meant admitting I didn’t have all the answers. Sometimes it meant saying “I messed up” or “We’ll try something new.” And when I was vulnerable, I found that people were more willing to do the same with me.
- Leading the orchestra: Any leader in any role is going to have to deal with a variety of personalities. If I can use a musical analogy, no two people are going to play the violin the same way. They’re going to have different strengths, weaknesses, and stressors, and it’s about weaving those together into a high-performing team.
Catalyst: Action & impact
Information and relationships are necessary — but if they didn’t result in action or impact, it wasn’t going to matter.
If I did Clarity and Connection well, Catalyst would be about following up and driving impact on three points:
- Unblocking smart people: Whether it was process friction, missing resources, or conflicting priorities, I’d say my main priority was always to clear the path so my team could move forward.
- Being decisive: Sometimes waiting wasn’t helpful. I had to choose between “perfect” and “good enough,” especially in situations where momentum mattered more than polish.
- Encouraging experimentation: Not everything worked. But creating small opportunities for the team to try, fail, learn was the difference for people to learn for themselves and unlock growth and trust in each other.
Some Missteps, Some Surprises
- Getting buy-in from leadership and peers: I underestimated how often I’d have to manage upwards and sideways. Explaining trade-offs to leadership, negotiating scope, and getting buy-in from other teams were all crucial things that only I could uniquely do for my team, given my role.
- Emotional burdens: I honestly didn’t expect the emotional labor. Setting tone, keeping morale up, and working through the anxiety in my own head about decisions — that was all real. Most of all, I learned that people were going to put their stresses onto me, and I had to learn how to carry that weight.
- Deeply gratifying work: On the flip side, seeing someone on the team discover confidence, or hitting a milestone we all thought unlikely — those moments made every difficult conversation and stressful month worth it.
Moving Forward: What I’ll Carry Into Year Two
If I could take one lesson forward, it’s this: Leadership lives in the in-betweens. Between uncertainty and decision. Between intention and execution. Between following plans and adapting when they change.
So as I head into year two, I want to lean into:
- Even clearer communication — making visible the invisible constraints, decisions, trade-offs that shape what we do.
- More space for connection — not just quarterly check-ins, but spontaneous feedback, more shared vulnerability.
- Bias toward action — but with reflection. Lean in, but also step back and ask, Did this move us in the right direction?
Final Thoughts
This first year hasn’t taught me all the answers, but it has shown me what questions matter. Clarity, Connection, and being a Catalyst — they’re my best guesses at what I’ve made of this role, but they helped me boil down why I’m still energized by this opportunity I’ve been given.
If you’re stepping into this role (or thinking about it), I hope these reflections give you something to consider — and maybe even comfort. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll grow in ways that surprise you.
Here’s to year two!
Kim H. Nguyen 